My cat gives me a boner
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
