Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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