why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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