well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
false alarm. still invincible.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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