How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
