i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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