Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
FUCK WHALES
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