bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
