She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
