i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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