Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
