You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
