if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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