That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
