it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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