I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
