I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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