I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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