My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
