I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
