I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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