sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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