i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His hands were made for my vagina.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
