Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
