the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
how drunk are you?
Several
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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