I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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