cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
