He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
