A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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