haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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