he wants to bone in the snuggie
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
