dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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