everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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