I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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