It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
