Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
