I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
