I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't think brook has ever known best
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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