it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So many bounce houses so little time
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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