At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
