im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They took my balls.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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