Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
