thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize