I showed him my bush... on skype.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
