A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
