I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
