you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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