I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
