I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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