She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
