Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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