Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
