They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
