Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
