do herpes really smell.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
