im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
