and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
