i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize