I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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