I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
