i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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