Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
