I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
