I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
