Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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