Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
