He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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