Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
